Head Cold

I find colds and other such catchable quickly passing viruses absolutely maddening. It makes no sense in the grand scheme. If we need to develop things that are going to kill us then let it end there. STD’s, heart disease, lung cancer, stepping on one too many rusty nails and perhaps whatever one catches from sharing a hair brush are all perfectly acceptable health problems. Those make sense. The common cold does not. We get something stuck in us for a few days or a week. It makes our noses run and by the end of it all we’re usually coughing up hair balls. Yeah, that makes sense.

I know it may make sense viewing things with a tone of logic. Colds etc. help build our immune system and all that business. But seriously, couldn’t we have just been built to automatically avoid these things? How fucking annoying.

Cruising RuPaul.com last night I saw the fine built stud in this video talking about how “the entire world seems to be sick right now.” He’s right and if you can stop staring at his torso and the perfectly shaped buldge under his sweatpants you might take home a great recipe for some immune-building soup.

It seems I’ve been hiding from other people’s germs for months now. Everyone at my office and around me in my home life seems to be an infectious pile of germs these days. Being a germaphobe I can easily see that people hardly take care of themselves mentally, externally and internally. I think most people think it’s silly but I truly believe every day is a battle against falling victim to germs, diseases and mental breakdowns. Like the hunk linked above I would now like to share some of my tips and tricks for achieving wellness while still living a slightly lethargic and comfortable lifestyle. . .

• The key to not catching something directly can definitely be found in hand washing. Stop sharing shit, dipping your hands in the same food bowls and shaking hands because it’s polite. Get your hands away from me! If you touch me I’m going to go disinfect the area you just touched. I’m not being rude, I just don’t know who else you’ve been touching.
• My regular vitamin regime includes taking one to two capsules of Echinacea and Vitamin D per day. I will take a Vitamin C tablet once or twice a week. Every three days I will take Airborne. If I start to feel like I’m coming down with something I’ll take all of the above several times a day until things clear up. I could and I’m sure it is suggested to do all of the above on a daily basis but I feel that it would make the body lazy and therefore have a hard time fighting off stuff when you do get it.
• Hot spicy foods are a must. It is my obsessive paranoid opinion that spicy food, hot sauce and raw onions chase away all sorts of things and keep the body ticking. While we’re talking about my obsessive paranoia, I also strongly believe that copious amounts of alcohol will cure anything that ails you. If all else fails, drink yourself into a whiskey stupor and pray you wake up in the morning, not just alive, but better!
• For the mental portion of your health you should not be so high strung. There are so few reasons to get upset and yet everyone does so often. Keep a clear head people! Stop being so damn fucked off about stale bread.
• Stop eating crap. You know, I may be mildly overweight with “a few extra pounds” but you don’t see me eating crap. If I’m packing on the calories it’s from natural every day meats, produce and wheat products. No candy. No chips. None of this completely processed stuff. If it didn’t start off in the ground or walking around I probably don’t want to eat it.

All this with a light dash of mild exercise (get up and dance a bit each day, do 20 crunches, lift some weights) and you can maintain a healthy body of work without really doing much of anything at all. The last thing I’ll tell you to do is hit the gym, count calories or really honestly care about your oncoming death due to living. I actually just wish people would wash their hands more and take their vitamins. The rest is a personal preference.